With the clock ticking down to the end of what Pacific Islanders are already calling last decade, it’s time to reveal the results of my 2009 predictions. I have again enlisted the assistance of the glamorous Chris Walsh to make the official adjudication. The next voice you hear in your head will be his.
Here are the scores on the doors miss ford, come on dollies do your dealing….
It looks just like my uncle Oscar
- Best Supporting Actor: Heath Ledger [Still no reaction on winning from the ingrate, 1 POINT]
- Best Actor: Mickey Rourke, The Wrestler [Went to SEAN PENN, Nil POINTS]
- Best Supporting Actress: Taraji P Henson, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button [Nope, Penelope Cruz, Nil Points]
- Best Actress: Kate Winslet, The Reader [Nazis or nuns equal oscar success — 1 POINT]
- Best Picture: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button [Nope, it was SLUMDOG, NIL POINTS]
- Best Director: Danny Boyle, Slumdog Millionaire [GOAL! 1 POINT]
TOTAL: 3 / 6
I’m glad you asked me that question, Jeremy
- Peter Mandelson loses his job as Business Secretary. [Wikipedia says not only has he kept this post, he has had his powers “enhanced” (adamantium claws?) while also being appointed first secretary of state. Nil points]
- Alistair Darling loses his job as Chancellor. [Nope, still there. Nil points]
- Ed Balls becomes the new Chancellor. [Nope, Nil points]
TOTAL: 0 / 3
Wonderful World of Nature
- Yellowstone does not explode and turn much of North America into (even more of) a wasteland. [Truth! 1 point. Was this ever anticipated though??? In other news, London was not devastated by a tidal wave of custard…]
- A global flu pandemic starts. [True! This is a proper impressive prediction, so 2 points!]
- There will be two earthquakes of magnitude 8 or above on the Richter scale. [Gah! Obsolete unit alert! Nobody uses the Richter scale anymore, apparently. It’s all “Moment Magnitude Scale” now. Well, Samoa was the worst earthquake of 2009 and that scored 8.3 on the Richter scale, which equates to 8.0 on the moment magnitude scale. 2009’s second largest earthquake was in Fiordland, with a moment magnitude of 7.8. But I can’t find anywhere that tells me what it scored on the Richter scale. It looks like it should be either just above or just below 8 exactly! I’m giving the benefit — 1 point!]
TOTAL: 4 / 3
Tedious Town of Tech
- SCO finally throws in the towel. [Looks like they are still going, despite filing for liquidations??? Nil points]
- Microsoft buys Palm to get the Pre. [Nope. Nil points]
- A statement posted to Twitter causes a publicly traded company’s stock to drop dramatically. [Google didn’t throw up any likely stories, so I’m going Nil points. Looks like it’s the only thing Twitter didn’t do this year, after exposing Carter-Ruck/Trafigura and bitch-slapping Jan Moir]
TOTAL: 0 / 3
I’m 800, you know
- Cambridge win the University Boat Race. [Nope. Nil points]
- The Guided Bus does not fully open to paying customers this year. [Truth! 1 point]
- In the 2009 May Bumps, Caius finishes first in the Men’s First Division. [Jeezuz, I couldn’t even understand the results page I found. Results to me means 2 numbers, where the bigger one is the winner. If I need a graph to understand the results, your sport is too complicated. Wikipedia says “1st & 3rd Trinity 2009 Head of the River” which means nothing to me, but this stupid sport has already wasted too much of my life … NIL POINTS!!!]
TOTAL: 1 / 3
Des or Dickie? Des, obviously
- Usain Bolt takes the 100m world record to 9.60s +/- 0.02s [9.58! spot on! 1 point]
- England is the only home nation to qualify for the football World Cup in South Africa in 2010. [Looks like it. 1 point]
- Andy Murray loses in the men’s singles final at Wimbledon. [Loses yes, finals no — out in the semis. Nil points]
- Australia retains the Ashes. [wiki says current champion England. Nil points]
- Lewis Hamilton wins more grands prix than any other driver in the 2009 F1 season. [Lewis Hamilton won 2, Jenson Button 6. Nil points]
- Felipe Massa is 2009 F1 world champion. [Massa hospitalised after Hungarian Grand Prix. Nil points]
TOTAL: 2 / 6
Celebrity Deathwatch
- Patrick Swayze [dead! 1 point]
- Margaret Thatcher [alive! Nil points]
- Norman Wisdom [alive! Nil points]
- Peter Sallis [alive! Nil points]
- Steve Jobs [alive! Nil points]
- Britney Spears [alive! Nil points]
TOTAL: 1 / 6
FINAL SCORE: 11 / 30
And this is me again. I have returned Chris to his childproof box until this time next year. I especially liked that he had to look at Wikipedia to find out whether I’d got the Ashes question right or not; that takes impressive dedication to sporting ignorance.
I impressed myself with a couple of correct predictions: the flu pandemic, the unopened guided bus (which was supposed to start service no later than September, I think, when I made the forecast) and Usain Bolt’s incredible world record. Some others were naturally massively wrong: the Formula 1 stuff for instance. The political predictions were nearly right, since there was a moment when it looked as if Darling was out. And if only I’d gone for a different pop star/nutcase in the deathwatch. Ah well.
I still haven’t thought of any 2010 predictions yet. But I’m sure I will at some point.
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