Chris’s Stag: before

As I write there are just moments until the beginning of Chris’s stag do.

He has virtually no idea what we’re doing. All he knows is that he’s being picked up by a private car at his house at noon today, that he is away for one night, and that he does not require a passport.

Yesterday I told him he needed to bring some walking boots and a jacket. Then a few hours later I withdrew that and said he needed to bring a swimming costume. I think he no longer trusts anything I say.

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Lest we forget

A few weeks ago I was chatting online to my friend Dan; we were talking about China, which you may be surprised to learn is hosting a minor sporting event at the moment.

I said that China were going to put on an amazing show, but I hated the fact that Beijing had the Olympics in the first place. The Chinese government is not interested in sport, or in “legacy” usage: they just want the world to know how marvellous Beijing is, how “normal” China is.

Dan is 23. He’s too young to remember what happened in Tiananmen Square in June 1989, and I guess it’s one of those things that doesn’t get taught at school: too recent to be history, too ancient to be current affairs. I explained what happened: the peaceful student protests for democracy, the jittery junta, the defacing of mao’s portrait, the tanks. The massacre. He didn’t know about the massacre.

I was 20 at the time, the age of many of the students gunned down in the square. It could have been me.

I found this BBC News report by Kate Adie from that day; I remember it vividly and it still upsets me to watch it. Don’t read the comments, they’ll depress you as they did me.

Thousands died that night, many others rounded up and carted off to prison then or later: nobody knows for sure how many, and the Chinese sure aren’t saying. People aren’t allowed to talk about it. An episode of Panorama last week showed that, despite assurances about lack of censorship due to the Olympics, a word from the government-imposed minder is enough to shut up anyone straying from approved topics.

Do people really believe, are they really that naive, that the relative freedoms granted for the games – access to a few more web sites (but not, of course, on forbidden topics) and a bit more journalistic leeway – won’t be reversed once the Olympic and Paralympic bandwagons have rolled on?

China spent millions trying to win the Olympics and billions to stage it. No expense has been spared, any prospective talent “nurtured” in the hunt for gold. The winning divers in today’s men’s 10m synchro, now both 17 I think, started diving aged four. I wonder how much choice they had in the matter; and how much they have now. And I wonder what will happen after the games. Will the Chinese continue throwing money at sport? Or has the goal been achieved?

It’s all about prestige, about China’s place in the world. Invest in us! Work with us! Forget all about that nasty business a few years ago. And people are.

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And on the seventh day…

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… I took my dressings off.

I have a rather unsightly belly button that I suspect will be even more likely to gather fluff for the short term at least. The other scars are only about 5mm in length and will mostly disappear once the hair has grown back. I can still feel the stitches beneath the skin; great big lumps in the case of the belly button.

I think the yellow colouration is either iodine staining or some light bruising – it looks worse than it feels.

See also Other Dave.

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Eww and Aww

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Live from Addenbrookes

I am speaking to you from my hospital bed, with two bouncing baby gallstones sleeping in a pot beside me. Feel free to suggest names!

The delivery went smoothly; I’m a little sore but the morphine helps. I didn’t want an epidural.

I shall not be breast-feeding.

Now I suppose I’ll have to tell the father.

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Camber Sands everywhere

IMG_0893Camber Sands in June can be a little early in the season for excitement. The schools are still in so the beaches are pretty empty, and the various entertainments, if they can be so called, are still rousing themselves from their winter slumber.

The weather, however, can be relied upon to be its usual all-or-nothing self. Last year we had the great Camber Storm, as nobody else called it. This year god let rip with mighty gusts of wind, enough to whip sand into all available crevices, but not enough to stop our usual game of boules on Sunday.

After last year’s encouraging fourth place, my boulez skillz deserted me this time; I was rubbish.

Camber appeared to be hosting a Fifties Throwback day, with the fish’n’chip shop full of gentlemen just too large for their jeans and checked shirts and ladies just too small for their hair. Sadly my attempts at papping them failed miserably, you’ll have to take my word.

All my successful and otherwise identikit photos are in the usual place.

In OMG It’s All Different news: The garage next to Gilchrist’s is gone, fenced off and presumably to be reborn as something other than scrubland. The old Royal William pub is now pseudo-Art Deco eco-housing, but Passing Man With Dog said the eco bits were eco-broken. And Arnold Palmer’s Putting Course is now a poppy field, resting gently before the builders sprinkle Arnold Palmer’s Affordable Housing all over it.

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The (Attribute) Clash

Better quality on Vimeo, but it’s OK embedded:

Very Kraftwerk:

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Cryptanalytic Relief

Bletchley Park arguably shortened World War II by two years. Or was it World War 2 by II years? No matter. Its existence was secret, its cryptanalysis, code-breaking and pioneering computer development classified for thirty years. The work of Alan Turing and others was as important to the war effort as anything achieved by men in khaki with pointy sticks and the other primitive weaponry of you puny humans. (Of course, Britain repaid Turing by making his life hell and eventually causing him to kill himself, but that’s another rant.)

Bletchley Park is a museum today, run by a charity, the Bletchley Park Trust. It receives no money from the government or the Heritage Lottery Fund at present. It’s started a Save Bletchley Park petition webchez Gordon Brown, which will I’m sure result in platitudes but no actual, hard cash.

So I’ve donated directly. It’s a manky system and you need to make an account with them to actually part with electrocash, but hey.

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By the power of Grayskull

Raiders of the Lost Ark was probably the last half-decent George Lucas film title. Everything since then – and by everything, of course I mean only Indiana Jones and Star Wars films – has had a rubbish title. RotJ, IJatToD, IJatLC, TPM, AotC, RotS and now IJatKotCS. Lucas has also now scandalously enclunked Raiders by calling it IJatRotLA on VHS and DVD.

Honestly, Indy 4 has an awful title. It’s true that a crystal skull is pretty much central to the storyline, but it’s such a neverending, pedestrian title. Would Jaws be seen as a classic if it were called Shark? Hard to tell; Forbidden Planet was a pretty blah title but nobody holds that against it (though Lucas would undoubtedly have called it Dr Morbius and the Invisible Space Monster). Bond titles like Goldfinger and The Man with the Golden Gun are pretty literal, but intriguing; Fleming also gave us You Only Live Twice and other great titles, including the upcoming Quantum of Solace (even if nobody else thinks it’s a good title, I do). And then you’ve got Snakes on a Plane.

I’m not sure what the point of that ramble is. Poorly titled films may be good or bad – AKA, don’t judge a book by its cover. Profound. I demand a PhD, or at least a GCSE in meeja studies.

Back to Indy. Indiana Jones and the Secret of Akator would, at least, have been an interesting and vaguely mysterious title. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull needs ultra-widescreen just to show the BBFC certificate.

But is the film any good? On the down side, nineteen years of development hell is never going to produce a masterpiece, and neither is George Lucas. On the up side, it’s Indy. You can forgive its faults.

The film naturally requires disbelief suspension dialled up to level 9, as did previous Indy films. There’s no point bitching about how Indy survives plot device A, as many people have been doing; in the Indy universe, religion is real – see RotLA and IJatLC – so maybe he just prays. All you can do is sit back and enjoy the ride.

It is a shame that, despite many stories stating how this would be an “old-style” film without heavy reliance on CGI, there’s an awful lot of it. For me, much of the drama was sucked out of the jungle chase set piece because it was so patently obvious they just weren’t there. Just because you can do anything with green screen or CGI body doubles, it doesn’t mean you should. You can make a film or a cartoon, not both (unless you’re, er, making both, like Mary Poppins and Bedknobs and Broomsticks). Oh dear, does that mean I’m turning into a film snob?

There is a plot to the film, though not one to tax the brain – place Macguffin A into Macguffin-slot B – but nobody’s expecting Memento, let’s face it. It’s all about the set pieces. Through the power of search-and-replace the by-numbers villains are Russians rather than Nazis this time, not that you’d notice any difference.

The film benefits in one respect, I think, from the near-twenty year hiatus: twenty years have passed in Indy’s life too, which gives the opportunity for some character progression (though this ain’t a character piece by any stretch of the imagination). And, of course, they leave open the prospect of a fifth film.

In another twenty years, when HoloLucas is churning out photo-real pure-CGI features using version fourteen of his computer-generated script software (version one having been beta tested on the Star Wars prequels), there’ll be plenty of room to fill in the gaps in Indy’s story. That’s assuming Harrison Ford Enterprises, Inc. licenses the star’s virtual self. There’ll probably be one film called Indiana Jones and his Amazing Adventures in the Pacific Theater of World War II, Episode One: OSS Recruitment and his First Astounding Mission to Save those Big Statues on Easter Island from the Rapidly Approaching Enemy Fleet. I may trademark it just in case.

Avaragado’s rating: one bad date

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Clocky

Clocky!

Roger will remember the original clocky – it was in the configuration file for the “Launchpad” that shipped in IXI Panorama 2.0. Not so exciting.

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