Happy Limbo Week!

Ah, Limbo Week! I think I look forward to December 27-30 more than I look forward to the days they follow and precede. I like seeing family again and the traditions of Christmas and New Year, but there’s only so much Radio 2 I can listen to before I commit ritual tinsel-based suicide (seppuklaus in the original Japanese). Limbo Week is what it’s all about.

It begins with The Return Home, wherein lie my own Things and Routines. I’m not saying I’m aspergic but, you know, that goes there. I don’t lay awake at night or anything. Well, I do, but not because of misplaced bric-a-brac. Bric-a-brac has its own designated area where it may roam free and unworried. It just needs herding every now and then, using the official herding device and following the appropriate procedures for the time of year (FX: looks down at shoes and mumbles inaudibly).

This particular week’s activities include the extra-special Schrödinger’s Tax Return. HMRC has told me this year both that I need to fill in a tax return, and also that I don’t. Task one is to Make An Observation and if necessary, stamp on a kitten. I think that’s how it works. I wonder what random number will pop up on the HMRC cash register this time.

One of the first events of the week is the Post-Christmas Shop, in which I avoid The Bewildered, The Sales Whores and The Shattered Staff. Sadly this year I won’t be able to experience the Borders Come-Down as we’ve had the Borders Close-Down instead. I’ll have to not-buy books elsewhere now. Look out Waterstones, your days are numbered.

In Limbo Week I also like to Hang Out With Friends, not that I would ever use the phrase “hang out”. It’s just about the only week in the calendar in which there’s a fair chance your mates are also off work. It’s Adult School Holiday. We can congregate at the mall and stage improvised musical numbers. Or, alternatively, drink.

And then comes New Year’s Eve, the logical Sunday of Limbo Week. A time to score last year’s predictions and come up with any old rubbish for the year ahead. I haven’t given them a moment’s thought yet. Plenty of time. Any suggestions?

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