Tag Archives: rating

X-Men 3 has had some poor reviews apparently – I haven’t read them, since they tend to reveal too much plot for my liking. I hate being spoiled, especially the most important plot point: where and when my very good friend Stan Lee will make his cameo appearance.

I always wanted to be Cyclops. Or Iceman. Or Angel. I wasn’t fussy. At a pinch any kind of sensible mutant powers would have done, but I would probably have ended up with the uncanny ability to read a book quickly or something similarly tedious. Yeah, Professor X, let’s simulate that in the Danger Room.

The film I predictably enjoyed. Being unspoiled I was surprised by one or two plot points, which always raises my opinion of a film. You don’t expect (nor did we experience) too much acting in this sort of film, even with such luvvies as Patty Stewart and Ianny McKellen. (Bless dear old Serena: in the last few years he’s played Richard III, Gandalf, Magneto, a guest role in Coronation Street, and Widow Twankey. What a CV.)

Sadly I forgot that I’d read about a sooper-sekrit post-credits final scene, so trooped out along with everyone else right after the not-so-sooper-sekrit pre-credits final scene faded to black. Google for it if you’re interested.

And no, I wouldn’t take the cure.

Avaragado’s rating: three chocolate digestives

So, just some numbers then.

Let me say immediately that I have not read The Da Vinci Code, and have no plans to do so. I didn’t exactly plan to see the film either, but I was invited and it got me out of the flat on a breezy, drizzly Saturday afternoon.

Meh. I was going to title this post “The Da Vinci Blowed”, but everyone’s doing that.

In an interview the other day Ian McKellen said it was a “talkie”. He meant not that it used the wondrous new synchronised sound and vision system taking the motion picture world by storm, but that it consisted of lots of scenes with people jabbering away at each other. And so it does. And does and does and continues to do for most of the film.

Endless expository chat. Flashbacks galore, some to the characters’ youths, some to various historical events, and some to what happened earlier in the film. Very well shot, nicely meshed into the scenes flashed back from, but dear lord you quickly become desperate for Bruce Willis to abseil through a stained glass window and uzi everyone into a mangled, bloody pulp.

That’s not to say it’s all bad. Ian McKellen does his best, as does Paul Bettany as the albino self-basting monk. It’s actually quite an interesting story. Fiction, slightly swivel-eyed, but interesting nonetheless. I successfully avoided laughing out loud at something not intended as a joke (nothing specific, I was just expecting to at some point).

I did, however, correctly guess too many plot revelations. This is unusual for me. It suggests that (a) I have suddenly acquired useful new skills, (b) the film went for the obvious at every turn, (c) I had too much time to think rather than watch, and/or (d) it’s some conspiracy related to Opus Dei.

Whatever, the next albino monk I see shuffling in my direction will get a Paddington stare.

(Oh, the funniest part was before the film started: two ladies were escorted from their seats by a member of staff, the rightful ticketholders having arrived to find their seats occupied. Turns out the ladies were there a day early. I think they were relocated rather than booted out.)

Avaragado’s rating: A rancid old ovine

When Ethan Hunt says he works for the IMF, I think nternational onetary und, not mpossible ission orce. But anyway. I imagine it’s just me.

I am slightly ashamed to say that I enjoyed MI3. Tosh, naturally, and the scientoloon’s career high is still Risky Business in my humble opinion. But with flavour-of-the-moment JJ Abrams as a writer and director, and ditto Philip Seymour Hoffman as chief villain, it’s turned out a cut above the normal dross. Maybe a paper cut rather than a full-on blood-letting, but it beat my expectations and that can only be a good thing.

Oh, Simon Pegg’s in it, and very good he is too. Also present are various bits of Rome that we recognised from our visit last year.

Avaragado’s rating: one grain of rice

Good news, everyone: Chef’s got a Flickr account.

Earlier tonight we went to see Transamerica – you know the one, that woman from Desperate Housewives putting on a deep voice and pretending to be a transsexual.

I enjoyed it. Funny in places, thought-provoking too. I confirm that I had no objection to the nudity.

About ten minutes into the film we were joined by Professor Stephen Hawking. The voice gave it away – he forgot to ratchet down the volume until he was settled. Glad to know that the greatest cosmologist of our time also doesn’t mind blocking the odd aisle for a good film.

He uses Eudora, by the way. Please note that I wouldn’t have said that if I hadn’t also been drinking.

Avaragado’s rating: 250g of broccoli florets

Syriana is a thinky film. Don’t go expecting to switch off your brain and relax in senseless, random violence for an hour or two, or to be spoonfed expository dialogue every fifteen seconds.

In fact, don’t go expecting to understand a word of it. It feels like they took a four-hour film and cut out all the explanation.

Well, obviously the general plot threads are easy to spot. But they stay resolutely apart: one subplot, showing how easily disaffected youths can be turned to terrorism, barely touches the rest of the film.

I suspect this is a slow burner, like The Shawshank Redemption.

Avaragado’s rating: six dates

Ooh, didn’t they smoke a lot in the fifties?

Avaragado’s rating: some ginger