December 31, 2014 · 8:21 pm
And here they are: a list of things almost certainly not going to happen in 2015. Feel free to pop down the betting shop as soon as it opens to chuck your savings at the opposite of everything below. Don’t forget to return this time next year to gloat with your millions.
News
- There is more than one UK general election.
- After one of the general elections, speaker John Bercow is deposed.
- The royal child-beast is of the girl persuasion, and called Elizabeth.
- Hillary Clinton confirms she will run for US President.
- Kim Jong Un is deposed as leader of North Korea.
- The record for the highest temperature in the UK is broken.
Sport
- Sepp Blatter is not re-elected as president of FIFA.
- Chelsea win the English Premier League.
- Australia retain the Ashes.
- Germany win the women’s football World Cup in Canada.
- Oxford wins the University Boat Race, again.
- Cyprus comes top of the medal table in the keenly anticipated Games of the Small States of Europe in Reykjavik.
Science and technology
- Apple releases a MacBook Air with a retina display.
- The Dawn spacecraft discovers ice volcanoes on the surface of the dwarf planet Ceres.
- The probe Philae on the surface of comet 67P emerges from hibernation sufficiently to send useful scientific data.
- Microsoft buys Fitbit.
- Dick Costolo leaves his position as CEO of Twitter.
- YouTube users upload over 500 hours of video per minute on average.
Entertainment
- Best Actor Oscar: Michael Keaton, Birdman.
- Best Actress Oscar: Julianne Moore, Still Alice.
- Best Picture Oscar: Birdman.
- Best Director Oscar: Richard Linklater, Boyhood.
- Best Visual Effects Oscar: Interstellar.
- The BBC says BBC 4 will follow BBC 3 and move online.
Celebrity deathwatch
- Dodgy FIFA boss before the other dodgy FIFA boss, João Havelange (98)
- Avenger before the other Avengers, actor Patrick Macnee (92)
- Dracula, Scaramanga, Saruman, Dooku, actor Christopher Lee (92)
- I’ve met him you know, comics elder Stan Lee (92)
- President Bush before the other President Bush, George HW Bush (90)
- Spock before the other Spock, actor Leonard Nimoy (82)
- Run out, umpire Dickie Bird (81)
- War criminal, ex-veep Dick Cheney (73)
- Floating like an ex-butterfly, stinging like an ex-bee, boxer Muhammad Ali (72)
Happy New Year!
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Tagged as 2015 predictions, apple, Australia, BBC 3, BBC 4, Birdman, Boyhood, Canada, Ceres, chelsea, Christopher Lee, Comet 67P, crystal ball, Cyprus, Dawn, Dick Cheney, Dick Costolo, Dickie Bird, dwarf planet, English Premier League, fifa, Fitbit, Games of the Small States of Europe, general election, George HW Bush, Germany, Hillary Clinton, Interstellar, João Havelange, John Bercow, Julianne Moore, Kim Jong Un, Leonard Nimoy, MacBook Air, Michael Keaton, microsoft, muhammad ali, oscar predictions, oscars, Oxford, Patrick Macnee, Philae, predictions, retina display, Reykjavik, Richard Linklater, royal baby, sepp blatter, Stan Lee, Still Alice, temperature record, The Ashes, twitter, University Boat Race, world cup, YouTube
January 1, 2013 · 9:53 am
As usual the cider-enhanced Chris Walsh has cast a rheumy eye over the predictions I made a year ago and awarded the marks as he saw fit. Adjudications and correct answers in square brackets.
News
- It will be announced that the Duchess of Cambridge is pregnant. [1pt]
- Ed Miliband will be replaced as leader of the Labour party. [0pt]
- The US presidential election will be between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney. Obama will be re-elected. [1pt]
- At least one country will leave the euro. [0pt]
- Boris Johnson will be re-elected as Mayor of London. [1pt]
- There will be an earthquake in the UK of magnitude 4.0 or above on the Richter scale. (I’m only using this scale as it’s the one used on the Wikipedia page for UK earthquakes.) [0pt]
[Score: 3/6]
Sport
- Great Britain & Northern Ireland will win 21 gold medals at the Summer Olympics, and over 50 medals in total. [1pt: GB&NI won 29 gold and 65 in total]
- Great Britain & Northern Ireland will top the medal table at the Paralympics. [0pt: third, after China and Russia]
- Spain will win the Euro 2012 football tournament. [1pt]
- The United States will regain golf’s Ryder Cup. [0pt: Europe won in a very close finish]
- Jensen Button will regain the Formula One championship. [0pt: Sebastian Vettel]
- Manchester City will win the English Premier League. [1pt: with a last-minute goal on the last day of the season]
[Score: 3/6]
Science and technology
- Having miraculously survived 2011, Steve Ballmer will definitely be fired as Microsoft CEO. [0pt: still there!]
- CERN will announce the official discovery of the Higgs boson. [0.999pt, rounded up to 1pt]
- Apple will launch a TV. [0pt]
- At least one of the co-CEOs of RIM will be fired, and the company will be bought. [0pt: Jim Balsillie resigned but was not fired, and RIM wasn’t bought]
- The next version of the iPhone will include an NFC chip. [0pt: rumoured for the 5S]
- Amazon will release a free version of the Kindle. [0pt: but Chris wishes they would, as he sat on his and broke it]
[Score: 1/6]
Entertainment
- The 2012 season of X Factor in the UK will be the last. [0pt: nothing announced – time will tell!]
- In Doctor Who, the replacement for the Ponds will not be from Earth. [0pt: nothing to suggest she’s not from earth – time will tell!]
- Best Actress Oscar: Meryl Streep for The Iron Lady. [1pt]
- Best Actor Oscar: Jean Dujardin, The Artist. [1pt]
- Best Picture Oscar: The Artist. [1pt]
- CNN will fire Piers Morgan. [0pt: although competing petitions to deport/refuse repatriation suggest nobody wants him]
[Score: 3/6]
Celebrity Deathwatch
- Former anthropology student, US evangelist Billy Graham. [alive!]
- Former ophthalmology student, Syrian president Bashar al-Assad. [alive!]
- Former chemistry student, Baroness Thatcher. [alive!]
- Former naval cadet, Prince Philip. [alive!]
- Former Cassius Clay, Muhammad Ali. [alive!]
- Former Hitler Youth, Pope Benedict XVI. [alive!]
[Score: 0/6]
[Total score: 10/30]
Not as good as last year. I suspect I was a year early on most of the science and technology predictions. And my celebrity deathwatch category maintains its staggering 100% failure record.
Stay tuned for Avaragado’s 2013 predictions…
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Tagged as 2012, amazon, apple, barack obama, baroness thatcher, bashar al-assad, billy graham, boris johnson, cern, cnn, crystal ball, doctor who, duchess of cambridge, earthquake, ed milband, euro, euro 2012, formula 1, formula one, higgs boson, iphone, jean dujardin, jensen button, jim balsillie, kindle, london 2012, manchester city, margaret thatcher, meryl streep, microsoft, mitt romney, muhammad ali, nfc, olympics, paralympics, piers morgan, pope benedict xvi, predictions, premier league, prince philip, rim, ryder cup, spain, steve ballmer, the artist, the iron lady, x factor
January 1, 2012 · 12:59 pm
Now spelunked into the Brechtian caverns of history: the year of the Arab Spring, the deaths of several prominent nutjobs, the end of the Screws, the looting of cheap sportswear, the Royal Day Off, the Occupy tent sale, and, of course, what is believed to be Sir Paul McCartney’s 49th or 50th marriage; estimates vary. And what will 2012 bring forth? Here’s your exclusive guide.
News
- It will be announced that the Duchess of Cambridge is pregnant.
- Ed Miliband will be replaced as leader of the Labour party.
- The US presidential election will be between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney. Obama will be re-elected.
- At least one country will leave the euro.
- Boris Johnson will be re-elected as Mayor of London.
- There will be an earthquake in the UK of magnitude 4.0 or above on the Richter scale. (I’m only using this scale as it’s the one used on the Wikipedia page for UK earthquakes.)
Sport
- Great Britain & Northern Ireland will win 21 gold medals at the Summer Olympics, and over 50 medals in total.
- Great Britain & Northern Ireland will top the medal table at the Paralympics.
- Spain will win the Euro 2012 football tournament.
- The United States will regain golf’s Ryder Cup.
- Jensen Button will regain the Formula One championship.
- Manchester City will win the English Premier League.
Science and technology
- Having miraculously survived 2011, Steve Ballmer will definitely be fired as Microsoft CEO.
- CERN will announce the official discovery of the Higgs boson.
- Apple will launch a TV.
- At least one of the co-CEOs of RIM will be fired, and the company will be bought.
- The next version of the iPhone will include an NFC chip.
- Amazon will release a free version of the Kindle.
Entertainment
- The 2012 season of X Factor in the UK will be the last.
- In Doctor Who, the replacement for the Ponds will not be from Earth.
- Best Actress Oscar: Meryl Streep for The Iron Lady.
- Best Actor Oscar: Jean Dujardin, The Artist.
- Best Picture Oscar: The Artist.
- CNN will fire Piers Morgan.
Celebrity Deathwatch
- Former anthropology student, US evangelist Billy Graham.
- Former ophthalmology student, Syrian president Bashar al-Assad.
- Former chemistry student, Baroness Thatcher.
- Former naval cadet, Prince Philip.
- Former Cassius Clay, Muhammad Ali.
- Former Hitler Youth, Pope Benedict XVI.
I look forward to your company next New Year’s Eve when all shall be judged.
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Tagged as amazon, apple tv, barack obama, bashar al-assad, billy graham, boris johnson, cassius clay, crystal ball, doctor who, duchess of cambridge, duke of edinburgh, earthquake, ed miliband, euro, euro 2012, formula 1, higgs boson, iphone, iron lady, jean dujardin, jensen button, kate middleton, kindle, london 2012, manchester city, margaret thatcher, meryl streep, mitt romney, muhammad ali, nfc, olympics, paralympics, piers morgan, pope benedict, predictions, prince philip, rim, ryder cup, steve ballmer, the artist, x factor
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